Jasmine Hart

Hi, The form works perfectly here. It's a really beautiful poem and the repetition makes it. The only thing I'd change would be to cut "little" before "things" as it ...

Hi, I really enjoyed this. The opening line really drew me in. I'd change "each" to "either" as I think it fits the rhythm better. I think the fourth stanza ...

Hi Tenyo, I really enjoyed this, especially; "and the sleepless blue that bruises the skin under your eyes." and "when the whispers of the walls tell me that real men ...

Hey Navita, I love stanzas two to four, and the final isolated line at the end. I especially enjoyed; "when I used to tear apart the seams of my wallet, ...

Hi, I really enjoyed this. It's a lovely villanelle and the refrains work nicely. The first and last stanzas are particularly good, the rhythm is great and I love the ...

Hi, Congratulations on your first poem! I hope you keep writing poetry. The first line really drew me in and I love the sound of the first stanza. I'd change ...

Hi, The second stanza is really great. I love "Raped of faith". The contrast between the words is very effective. I felt that the first stanza was a bit overdone. ...

Hi, I love the sound of this piece and "hanging tar" and "freeze the furls" are really great images. I'd change "the blue" as you've already told us that the ...

Hi, This was very funny! I love the tone and the build-up to the revelation of the final line. I'd change "for" as it doesn't quite fit in with the ...

Hi, I really enjoyed the form here. The first four lines are really great. I'd put a comma after "while". I'd change "Blackened in his chest" as it flows a ...

Hi, This is a lovely piece. The first line in particular is beautiful and I love the internal rhyme of "bright as light." I'd but an "and" before "so pure" ...

Hi, The opening stanza is really lovely; the sound is great and it flows beautifully. It really drew me in as a reader. I'd change the second stanza as "facial ...

Hi, This is a lovely tribute to your friend. I love the opening line, it really drew me in. I'd put "a" before "sandy beach" as I think it sounds ...

Hi, I really enjoyed this. The structure is great. I especially loved the imagery of the first stanza. The only thing I'd change is "Forget-me-not Blue". " Sand castles In ...

Hi, I loved the "I weep" at the end. I'd cut references to blood and wolves and darkness etc and instead use different images to represent the danger of this ...